A Boy's Farewell to the World
by fei
Summary: A collection of ficlets about Duo's suicide attempt. Contains 1x2 shounen-ai.
1. one

**A Boy's Farewell to the World**   
Part One

To those who think they know me,

    

My name is Duo Maxwell. And I have a problem.

    

As I write this letter to no one in particular, a knife sits perched on my knee. I'm depressed. I'm tired of living. I'm tired of this godforsaken life. I'm debating in my head whether or not I should use the knife. It's tempting, glinting so damn evilly in the little light that fills my dingy hotel room. Where I got the knife from I can't seem to remember. Maybe it came from the wobbly room service cart that was brought to me earlier. The food is untouched. My stomach doesn't seem to want the poorly cooked food. Maybe I found the knife in the alley trashcans I was digging through earlier. What compelled me to do that, I don't know. Perhaps the knife was calling to me, nestled so gently in garbage. But this knife. I've had it for so long. I've wanted to kill myself before now. The knife on the cart goes untouched and the knife amongst the garbage still rests there.

    

Duo Maxwell's not what he seems. I've hidden behind this façade of happiness, this pretense of stability when I'm not stable nor am I happy. I want it to end. I've wanted a way out for so long that I can't remember the last time that dying wasn't at the top of my to-do list. I should just do it. But every time that knife nears my wrist, every time I prepare to make that first cut, the courage seeps out of my veins leaving me crying like a little girl. But I haven't lost my dolly. I've lost my sanity.

    

You all laugh at the stupid things I say and do but you don't realize that you become the knife. You just laugh. I'm not as stupid as I seem. I just can't prevent the comments from passing my lips. I can't prevent the actions from leaving the drawing board in my mind. They're habits, walls built to stop the pain. But now they hurt me and I can't do anything about them. Because the walls are closing in on me and they'll come tumbling around my head soon.

    

I think I've finally found the courage to do it. I'll end my life now. Writing this has given me closure that I couldn't find in my mind. So goodbye, those who thought they knew me. This is Duo Maxwell signing off. 

Signed,   
Duo

PS - I love you, Heero.


	2. two

**A Boy's Farewell to the World**   
Part Two

    

When she found him, he was covered in his own blood. His breathing was shallow and in his hand he clutched a knife. She was one of the room service waitresses, only there to pick up the cart she had dropped off earlier. Kneeling next to him, she checked his pulse and found a weak one. In record time she had picked up the phone on the table next to the bed and alerted the front desk. The man there wasn't at all surprised, he was used to people coming to his hotel to kill themselves, but the girl was.

    

The ambulance came and picked the boy up, rushing him to the hospital. A number found in the boy's pocket was called to pick up his belongings. The excitement at the hotel died down, as it usually did. And no one noticed the tall figure slip into the boy's room nor did anyone care.


	3. three

**A Boy's Farewell to the World**   
Part Three

    

_I love you, Heero._

    

The words echoed through his head. A mantra that flowed through his whole body.

    

_I love you, Heero._

    

Who ended a suicide note with a declaration of love these days?

    

_I love you, Heero._

    

Duo would. The angel that occupied his dreams. It was endearing that Duo would end a farewell using his name. Professing love for him of all people.

    

_I love you, Heero._

    

God! Was he really so blind that he didn't notice Duo's pain? Or perhaps he was too wrapped up in his own pain to see.

    

_I love you, Heero._

    

Duo loved him...

    

_I love you, Duo._


	4. four

**A Boy's Farewell to the World**   
Part Four

    

His heart hurt. He had been keeping vigil over the longhaired beauty for days and there had been no change, save the delirious rantings caused by the infection that had set in.

    

Duo was pallor was transparent. Dark circles framed the closed eyes. Thin fingers clutched at the sheets as obvious pain wracked the fragile body. But most painful to Heero were the bandages covering Duo's wrists. Every time he looked at them his heart swelled agonizingly.

    

Heero knew that if he had noticed how quiet Duo had become earlier this whole situation could have been avoided. He had been too wrapped up in himself. He stroked Duo's arm gently, almost as if he were watching a lover sleep. He noted that the clammy skin from the fever was gone. That made him feel better.

    

Duo stirred and Heero jerked his hand away

    

"Duo, I wish you'd wake up. Everybody's worried about you. They've all visited you here. Even Relena." Heero gave a short laugh. "They all miss you."

    

Duo's eyes fluttered open and took a moment to silently counter Heero's steady gaze.

    

Heero swallowed hard, his speech nearly forgotten. He cleared his throat. "I miss you, too...Duo."


	5. five

**A Boy's Farewell to the World**   
Part Five

    

I'm alive.

    

I never expected to live after what I did. I watched the blood seep out of my body through the gashes in my wrists. It was a rush, watching such a strange thing. Almost frightening, the seductiveness of the act. But here I am with bandaged wrists, vowing to never do that again.

    

Heero stares at me with tired eyes. From his disheveled appearance I can guess that he's been here for a while.

    

"How long have I been here?" My voice cracks from disuse. I must have been out for days.

    

"Six days." The silent question was in his eyes. _Why, Duo?_

    

"How long have you been here?"

    

"Six days." _Why didn't you tell me, Duo?_

    

"Have you gotten much sleep?"

    

"No." _Why, Duo?_

    

His silent question deafens me and I turn away. I am ashamed. I caused Heero pain. Surely he must have read my letter. I can feel his eyes on me. The question. _Why, Duo?_ It hurts. "Stop looking at me like that..."

    

He turns away, but I can still hear his question.

    

_Why, Duo?_


End file.
